27 Things I Learned at 27

 

So as is my new habit/ tradition as my new birth year drains into a new one, I will be reflecting on the most profound lessons I learned while I was 27. Year 27 started out tough and heartbreaking, fortunately for me despite difficult things happening like losing my grandmother, letting go of a relationship and others I will note bore you with. I had some high highs during my 27th year of life. As I age(literally) I am reflecting on the following lessons I learned and the process of having these lessons ebbed.

  1. Sin NEVER delivers its promise; To quickly let go of the sin that so quickly ensnares me.
  2. To guard my heart.
  3. To really work in silence.
  4. The power of gratitude be thankful for small things and greater things will come.
  5. God is my lifeline I am literally at a point where I need my relationship with him to function.
  6. My deeply entrenched desires/ things I desire in a romantic partner and that I only want healthy relationships. I have no desire for anything other than authentic and healthy.
  7. How to be single and how to successfully date in the 21st
  8. It is okay to let things go down the drain and to start afresh.
  9. I learned to make Ba Commander soup lol
  10. That I am ‘The Sauce Lady’ lol. I always knew I made a pretty mean sauce, but I guess I’ve learned from others that my sauces are amazing.
  11. I always knew I possessed the ability to let things go and block them out of my life. Well I’ve learned just how strong my cut off game is. I have had to let go of some dear things.
  12. I’ve learned that anything can happen. The script can change at any time.
  13. I’ve learned that what you are looking for is looking for you, especially in relationships. Your reasonable ideals and standards of a partner exist and are out there.
  14. Good men exist.
  15. That I am human.
  16. The power of manifestation and positive thinking. Our mind and our thoughts are more powerful than we think they are. You can be determined and achieve what you program yourself to.
  17. That my life and heart passionate centered around fighting systems that enslave people and limit their options. Things like neo- colonialism, re-colonisation.
  18. The importance of not betraying yourself. Keep every promise you tell yourself and watch how you treat you.
  19. That entertainment related TV is hard to do, TV interviews are a lot easier to do. I had the opportunity to be art of a fashion industry related show representing my fashion start up and it was really hard. All the expperience I’d had on TV prior to this were always interviews where all I had to do was talk,analyse etc
  20. To put you first. I learned to put Tinashe first.
  21. I really do know better than people who try to get me to go against my principles and self-governance manual. They only want to exploit the reverse for their benefit.
  22. My clan/my people are gold.
  23. I learned what my attachment style is and why it is what it is.
  24. How to do a basic face of make up; and that I wouldn’t make a very good slay queen.
  25. Everything, absolutely everything you are looking for is on the other side fear, but also pay attention to the watchful signs of the things you are afraid of.
  26. My perspectives on spirituality and Christianity changed a lot. Religion as it has been taught to be really had me seeing things in a box and left me with a really limited perspective of who God is.
  27. Yet again it was branded into me that I must trust my instincts and my intuition, even when people lie, they never do.

 

I learned an array of valuable life lessons it really was hard to settle on which 27 to us but I think for me one of the most powerful lessons I learned which is still teaching me even after was from cutting my hair. There is growth and sometimes you get large spurts sometimes it is only in little increments. However, growth happens, and it is okay to start from scratch

The Fight Continues

My hopes and aspirations for Zambia recently took a huge hit. The Political Party leader I looked up to and had faith in Mr Elias Chipimo Jr has stepped down as President of National Restoration Party to return to an active life in the corporate world. To be honest when the news first hit me, I was angry, I was hurt,I was distraught I felt let down, I was disappointed in him. I felt he was being weak and being selfish because we always want our leaders to be strong for us right?

After some much needed time with older women I look up to, some juice and time to think clearly. I remembered there is a God in heaven who will never surrender his position and because of that. the future is still bright and secure.

To be honest I was inspired to actively get involved in politics by Mr Chipimo. He was a breath of fresh air. His dream and vision for Zambia closely aligned with mine. His passion, his drive and his demeanor was different from the kind of politicians i had come to know. fast forward to my first let down by him , him not standing. then the second the orange alliance blunder with Miles Sampa, which any blind man could see was a bad move. Finally his choice to step down from active politics.

As with most impacts from leaders the blow from the news of Mr Chipimo’s resignation made me question if continuing the fight for a restored Zambia? It made me question if it would ever even be achieved. Then I was illuminated and I remembered that there are still many young, vibrant and capable leaders within the NAREP structures who were well mentored and groomed by Mr Chipimo. Furthermore, just because one person has left the struggle on the political front doesn’t not mean he has taken our victory with him

A few things to consider for those among us that may still be distraught by his decision are the following things; To doubt that our vision for Zambia will be achieved is to doubt ourselves and to doubt our ability. We cannot declare that in the absence of a person our objectives cannot be met, admittedly we have lost a critical person. Nonetheless we have to forge on, pick up the slack that has been left and emerge stronger than before.

Secondly, to use Mr Chipimo as an excuse to not participate in the next election as a voter is sheer and utter nonsense. Let me refresh your memory on the damaging effects of voter apathy.

POLL STATISTICS

Total Registered Voters 6,698,372
Total Votes Cast 3,781,505
Total Votes Rejected 85,795
Turnout 56.45%

Source:Electoral Commision of Zambia

A simple subtraction of the total of registered voters from the actual votes cast gives you the figure 2,916,867 who could have changed the fate of the country but for one reason or another chose to stay away. If even 2.1 Million of the voter apathy squad had come together and decided to vote for one candidate we would have had a different president and a different balance in opposition power. Below are more figures courtesy of the ECZ website on election of the current President and the candidate that came second.

LUNGU, Edgar
1,860,877
HICHILEMA, Hakainde
1,760,347

 

If just an extra 150, 000 of the voter apathy squad had voted. Everyone who thinks Hakainde Hichilema is the hope for Zambia or is the next best alternative, or the better evil would have had their desire granted.

I have since chosen to look at Mr Chipimo’s legacy and focus on his strengths and the lessons that can be drawn for his mistakes. Because I and other people were let down does not mean he did not fight a good fight. We cannot continue to penalise him for choosing differently for himself. He is allowed to choose different, despite what we think or would like his choice to be. We are not allowed to impose our choices or perspectives on him.

Mr Chipimo joined politics later in life with high hope and idealistic perspectives. It took him a while but he fnally discovered what politics really looks like in Zambia or what i like to refer to as the ‘covert side of gaining the instruments of power’ and to be honest it is no easy or sightly feat. It is extremely hard for people with noble intentions to remain in politics, many either bow out, die , join the pack of the people they cannot beat and the few heros hold on despite it all. For the sake of the heros, those who still have integrity and good intentions. I humbly submit the following.

As we approach an election that will hopefully bring meaningful change and hope, I implore you to consider the following. Encourage political leaders in the background, support them, share their content, attend their rallies. Offer financial contributions no matter how small because politics is costly and it is extremely draining emotionally and physically. Show them your support.

As referred to in the data above contrary to popular belief. Your options go beyond just the ruing part and the main opposition. And if you think outside the box, you may be able to find worth leadership, if we unite we may just be flip in script and turn the odds into the favour of the everyday impoverished Zambian.

I hope these thoughts leave you thinking and analysing what part you can play and as we approach the elections, show you what part you could play.

 

 

 

 

 

NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU!!

They say survival is for the fittest and you do not know your own strength until you’re put in situations where you actually need to use it. Well now looking at the dire situation we are in as youth. When does survival mode kick in?

We have sent out SOS signals, we have called for help and the result has been little or nothing. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the truth is no one is coming to help us.

We’ve probably all watched a movie where people or a person are in a dire situation and help come in the nick of time either in the form of a superhero, a search party or even an angel. We have probably also watched a movie where the plot entails a person or people in a precarious situation, rescuing themselves from hopeless situations.

The truth is as Zambian youth we all know the problems our country faces, we have become experts at pointing out wrongs. Many of us probably even have great or amazing ideas of the best solutions. Sadly however very few of us are actively attempting to do anything practical about solving our issues or implementing solutions.

A few thoughts I’d like you to consider,

  • Who do you think is coming to save you from the mess your country is in?
  • Who do you want to bring about the change you would like to see?
  • Whose responsibility is it to shape the Zambia as we would all want it to be?   

If your answer those questions had anything to do with the IMF or the government or even a certain desired political candidate or party. Sorry to break it to you that the answer is YOU, the person you see when you look in the mirror has a purpose they need to fulfill to make things better. Most of the people that come in the name of offering external help do not  have our best interests at heart. You may not be able to change everything. You may not even be able to do big things. But right where you are, with whatever you have. Be the difference and make the change.

Its time to rise up and assume responsibility of dealing with the issues we are seeing in our country today.

It’s time to kick onto survival mode, no one will ever care for your burdens as much as you do.

 

A Moment of Silence

I have always failed to come to terms with death and loss, how someone who was a part of you can just be put in life’s recycle bin never to be encounterd in live form ever again.

There’s something about being quiet and still which enables you to notice things that missed your attention before.

We often drown our real thoughts and feelings because we’re afraid, afraid of facing the truth, afraid of facing the pain.
Today I’ve decided to take a moment of silence (and I hope you can find the time to take one with me) to just take stock of the loss.
It’s easy to go through life focusing on the tasks we deem as important, the things that will distract us, the things that will act as a salve for the pain.
This is just to remind you that your pain, your emotions your disarray related to your loss are important too, and you must take time to just grieve and grieve deeply at that. That’s OK too, it doesn’t make you weak. Your emotional well-being is just as important, and for as long as you’re not throwing a pity party do not allow anyone to tell you to suck it up without dealing with it and accepting the existence of your pain.
Find a healthy outlet for it, a journal, a creative project, anything that will help you feel better. I like to ‘write the wrongs’ away.

As I think and grieve about my loss today, here is an illustration that I found comforting last year. The irony is that there is life in dead things. The same way that you can make compost heap from dead plants and leaves and use them to enhance the growth of living growing plants is the same manner in which we must handle our losses. Loss has a funny way of propelling us, and we get to decide whether it is self destructive or it’s for your good, the good of others and the good of the legacy of the one/ones you have lost.

 

 

The Kickback Culture May Knock Us Out

20190616_185017_0000.pngThe kick back culture or how it may be referred to locally as ‘Nichekeleko’ is ruining our country. Services and Jobs are not always provided or requested for by the best or the most competent but rather from those that are willing to share part of their pay with those people who are influential in ensuring they award them the contracts or opportunities. Granted every now and then the most competent may be willing or may even have to give kickbacks in order to maintain good ties, but is this really the business culture we would like to build a legacy on?

Mediocrity is something we let to to come stay in our Zambian society, we have given it permanent residence in our lives, allowed to be a tenant in our standards and have warmly embraced the chilling consequences of.

This dire repercussion of the kickback culture is seen in almost every sector of our economy, the government sector, the creative industry, the corporate pretty much every industry has it in one way, shape or form. They as a result either do not grow or suffer from inefficiency because they are not looking to have the best or the most durable products and/or services and as the adage goes ‘cheap is expensive’
From a more political aspect we usher in not the most servant hearted leaders, not the most wise or the most innovative or brilliant minds to help tackle our problems but the ones that is likely to ensure you a piece of the pie once they are in office. The leader that enticed you with pecuniary advantage not the one with the most sustainable solutions to your immediate needs.
The truth is times are hard , the economy is unfavourable for many and if you don’t do it someone else will . No one wants to live a hard knock life. Is your integrity a price worthy of it? Is the overall generational damage worth it?? What is the best way to deal with this, lets start a solution oriented conversation and fight the negative aspects of the kickback culture.

 

26 Things I learned at 26

I’m in the dying days of Chapter 26 and I’m looking back on where it started. It has been turbulent to say the least but it has also been very rewarding and very fulfilling. I’ve grown, I lost, I’ve lived, I’ve healed but I’ve also broken in places I’m now trying to heal from. I’ve gotten to know myself a whole lot better. It’s been…. Well what we typically call Life.

In summation of this new chapter and while I prepare adequately for the new one, here is a list of things I’ve learned.

  1. How to really love myself and give me the type of love I want and I need.
  2. How to make Chikanda.
  3. How to cook Kalembula
  4. That you do not own the person you love and sometimes we place uncommunincated expectations.
  5. How to be healthier and to manage my weight.
  6. That I may not like avocado but my skin and my hair really do.
  7. That even the people who hold most dear won’t clap for you when you win when things aren’t going as well for them and they may even secretly wish you ill. But that’s ok.
  8. What politics really is and how it is done here in Zambia.
  9. I learned about the beauty in letting things die and using the dead things as compost to enrich the new life growing.
  10. I learned how to make macaroons (almost perfectly)
  11. Journaling is a need for me.
  12. I learned that in addition to being. Sapiosexual. Men who have good character, Godly traits and are really level headed are irresistibly attractive to me.
  13. To make room in my life for the things I want or desire.
  14. I learned to come to the table with my strengths and the areas and excell in. To lay them down with pride in myself. To know that me taking pride in myself and abilities will be offensive to many. But as long as it is a good healthy pride coming from a place of confidence and security rather than arrogance and insecurity. I will be just fine.
  15. That when people have power they will do things ‘because they can’ (paraphrased from Naomi Alderman)
  16. This one is a little eyebrow raising ……. I learned how to draw my eyebrows  LOL
  17. How to manage my weight by first of all managing my thoughts and mental state of mind.
  18. To actively start pursuing and exploring my passions.
  19. To look in the closet for the skeletons of people that are constantly accusing you know in your hearts of hearts you are innocent.
  20. I am the Analyst personality type.
  21. When there is disession and chaos it is essential to turn your focus on the one who stands to benefit the most from existence and if my goal is to end it that is my starting point.
  22. How therapeutic and essential dancing is in my life.
  23. To fight the real enemy of my life(The devil) more than I fight anything else.
  24. How in almost anything you do… You need a plan on how you will manage the male ego if it is present.
  25. How to look out for toxic femininity in myself and in others and how to manage it.
  26. To never again doubt my intuition.

 

Chapter 26 has been quite the journey. I am officially toasting to it and eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Women Are Trash Too

I am deeply irked by toxic masculinity and misogyny these are real issues that are heightened and in some instances created by a patriarchal society. As women’s Month begins it would be nice for us to do some introspection on the many real ways in which toxic femininity really does exist in our society.

I heard of a story where a Zambian woman and her friends assaulted a woman who was alleged to be committing adultery with the woman’s husband. Part of this abuse included the forceful insertion of a beer bottle into the vagina of this woman who was said to be the side chick. I haven’t seen the video yet,and honestly I don’t want to. This however fills me with an array of emotions, rage,sadness, compassion, empathy and dismay…it is mind boggling and makes me quite dizzy.  I could go into some deep social analysis of the root of this issue, how women are raised to view each other as opponents rather than allies, how shipikisha club does not allow for women to express or the emotions that come with infidelity in a healthy way, how the African man has absolute power and is thus corrupted absolutely, how a huge part of our culture is designed to oppress women and whole list of other things.

I however want to focus on how in 2019 we women are trash to each other! We see it on social media in the nasty comments where women break one another down, when women withhold due compliments and praise but quickly dish out slander and nasty comments. We see it when we join the men in tearing down and degrading women of questionable character or women who have the same levels of promiscuity as men. We see it when women fight one another for men who had no honour for either one. Men are trash, it goes without saying and with no argument there. However could we for just a second interrogate some other reasons we contribute to why Men are Trash? Men are trash because we have taught them by how we treat one another as women,we implicitly say that it’s ok to treat a certain women or in fact all women like trash.

We also forget that a lot of these men who are trash are raised and influenced by females in their homes.

We have a pretty prominent female presidential candidate who other women won’t vote for not because her plans are policies are bad, not because she does not have the intelligence or the passion not even because she does not have a proven track record but because it’s alleged that she stole another woman’s husband. Whether she did is another thing. How many of our male presidents had their first wife as first Lady? No one thinks of that. It’s funny how women all stand in solidarity against the other woman, while give the man a pass like he had no hand in the matter.

The truth is whether we want to admit to it or not there are also female misogynists among us and toxic feminity is a a real thing. And these are issues we need to begin to deal with.

One cardinal thing to note is that when a woman pulls down another woman, degrades her or bullies her online, when she won’t give her political support, when she dislikes another woman because she is confident and assertive it is not an act of her exerting superiority over the other woman it reflects internal battles and insecurity. Women are trash too! 

We need to treat one another better than we do at present and unite towards the commonalities that united us.

Happy women’s month.

A time for new shoes

We always knew we needed to go up a shoe size when we were growing up because our current shoe size started to hurt. It was no longer comfortable. Because we were trying to ram a foot into a shoe that can no longer contain its size. It’s like trying to put liquid content from a bigger to a smaller jar. The contents will overflow because they cannot be contained and will be wasted. It’s the same things with our lives and the things God wants to use us for. It will require growth, letting go, moving forward, shifting, changing,evolving, quiting certain habits, losing some people, releasing your pride etc
‘The writing on the wall’ that you have to read and act on is spelled out differently for everyone.
The bigger picture is varied in every case.
All I know is I’m growing a shoe size and no matter how lovely the other shoes in my current collection are, I can no longer fit in them.
The beginning of the year begun with the epiphany that just like the date would not read 2017 anymore as badly as I wanted it to. I couldn’t continue a friendship with a dear one because an incident I had with the person close to the year’s end taught me we were not on the same page and this relationship was not the same dimensions of when it first begun. I was on course till we hang out again a few months into the year fast forward I’m back in the same place cutting them off because like expired food,all it’s been is toxic to us both. As I reflected where I had stumbled it’s because my new shoes hurt too and before I could break into them so they could be comfortable, I went back to the familiarity of my old shoes. That was a pain I knew, I knew what to wear them on. But because I had grown even more all they did was bruise my feet and get spoilt.
A note from me to you don’t stop wearing your shoes because they hurt. Wear them down till they are comfortable for you.

It might be time to get that new pair of shoes because none of the ones you own are suitable or durable enough for the new terrain which you must now walk on.

Whatever the case,allow yourself to Bloom, to grow and to evolve.

Embrace your new shoes and the new territory you’re exploring in them.♥️

HARRY KALABA RESIGNS

Yesterday Harry Kalaba just announced his resignation from his position as Foreign Affairs Minister. Days after Lucky Mulusa was fired for questionable reasons. Wow! I am at a loss for words because of the courage and the sacrifice he has displayed. I remember once reading about about how the late Levy Mwanawasa and a few other ministers once did the same thing as a way of standing up to the corruption that was going on in MMD. The question ‘Are there any politicians cut from that kind of cloth extinct?’ always plagued my mind since. I was pleased that Harry Kalaba was able to stand up and relinquish all that came with his previous position because he cares and more importantly he wont turn a blind eye only to keep benefiting himself.

I will be honest, I had my misgivings about Harry Kalaba. However after this, I have prima facie new found respect and admiration for Mr Harry Kalaba. Though he is yet to specifically name and give evidence of the corruption he is alleging,Harry Kalaba is an example other people uncomfortable with the corruption they see around them can look up to.I am eager to see what he does next for the Zambian people and what happens for him in the next election.

Below is the post he put up on his Facebook page regarding his resignation.

‘I HAVE RESIGNED

There comes a time in a person’s life when it becomes necessary to die to self for the good of others and if not for that reason, at least to stand for one’s cherished ideals and values. I have just dropped my resignation letter as Foreign Affairs Minister with President Edgar Lungu – a position I have cherished and held for over 4 years. I have taken my decision to resign as Foreign Affairs Minister with a heavy heart but quite succinctly with a clear and resolved mind. I have no shed of doubt that this was a necessary undertaking and an unavoidable one looking at the path our country has taken – a path of insatiable greed and shame which is clearly unacceptable and unsuitable.

My fundamental belief is that my allegiance should not be with a position, Party or Person but it must be with the country and its people. My conscious and everything I am have directed me to choose the country over my individual comfort. To some, this may appear like an act of defiance, yet to those close to me, to those who have watched me wreath in perpetual pain and mourn over my country, this may more or less be a relief because I have finally found peace in my mind and heart even in the face of losing the comfort that the position of Minister brings to give both expression and action to what I believe in. In any case, I accepted this appointment in the first place as a gesture and avenue to serve my Country but when that becomes difficult due to incongruence of values and objectives, there could only be one outcome. This outcome is what I am repeatedly convicted of by my own conscious especially at night when I go to bed to face my own brokenness.

We cannot proceed to manage national affairs with cold indifference when the levels of corruption are swelling and being perpetrated by those who are expected to be the solution. Our youths are wallowing in poverty without a clear plan for them while business preferences and opportunities are always tilted in favour of outsiders, reducing Zambians to mere spectators in the economic affairs of the State. This cannot be allowed to continue. We need to go back to the original agenda of our Party the PF, where the poor and not the corporates must be at the centre of all our decisions. It would appear that the poor Zambians have ceased to be the reason we are holding power. Materialism and the propensity for money has taken over and is arrogantly at the centre of many decisions being made today.

What I wish most for the youths of Zambia is opportunity and success. All I desire is for each and every Zambian to make their own success story – the story they deserve, one that allows them to raise their heads high in a country where effort, work, planning and selflessness will become the hallmark of our people.

I have elected to join the many sidelined Zambians by remaining as an ordinary Member of Parliament representing the gallant people of Bahati. Some will call it politics and yet some will call it sacrifice. Whichever way you choose to look at my action, one thing is certain, I can no longer be a silent listener to the whispers of greed and indifference making rounds in the corridors of power. Contrary to what a number of my colleagues claim, I believe that the failure of the Zambian political and economic management does not lie in the individualistic nature of a lot of our politicians, but it is the result of oppressing this individualism to a level where there is consistent effort to suppress individualistic dynamism in preference for collective carelessness and indifference.
When people begin to feel overwhelmed by fear for speaking the truth, it is time to realize that critical fundamentals have shifted. We all have a role to play in making things right. This is my little contribution – Zambia is our Country, we need and must reclaim it Back.’

The resignation post above is potent with patriotism and conviction, many portions of it are quote worthy. Many among us are appalled with the the way the country is being run with many scandals over the past months that imply corrupt conduct. these are things that have been spoken about in hush tones or not even spoken about at all particularly by those in civic and governance related positions. What Harry Kalaba has done is not an easy thing. James A. Garfield said, ‘A brave man is a man who dares to look the Devil in the face and tell him he is a Devil. ‘

Gender inequality in a Christian Nation.. 

We are blessed to live in a country that has taken a stand and declared itself a Christian nation because lets face it the peace and tranquility we enjoy in this country is just God given.

A Christian simply defined is one who follows the example of Christ and strives to be more like him. You don’t need me to say that despite Zambia being a Christian nation the majority do not live their lives abiding by Christian values, the evidence is every you look. Many may be religious but how many of us aim to live a life that is pleasing to God. It is evident with our political scene,our culture, our families, our government,  our neighbours, our church leaders and ourselves that christian principles are not being properly applied. One area it is extremely prevalent in,is the gender inequality.

Jesus from inference in the scriptures believed in ending gender inequality. One area our society is unequal on a gender basis is when it comes to our women and their involvement in adultery. Right from the beginning of the fall of man women were cursed to be right under the dominion of man  ‘; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee’(Genesis 3:16 KJV) which is a contrast to by his side as an equal. Which we can infer from the fact that God used Adams rib to create Eve symbolising they should be side by side.

One of the most significant things Jesus came to do was to save man from the separation from God which came as a direct consequence of the fall of man. Any man or woman who is anew in Christ is not subject to the curses man has been subject since Adam and Eve. Why then do men still oppress women? Born again Christian men.

One of my favourite bible passages is the story of how Jesus saved the Adulteress woman from being stoned by the crowd pursuing her. This portion of scripture is potent with lessons. Firstly there is no mention of the man she was committing adultery with, clear inequality. Both parties were guilty but only one was being punished. Jesus set precedent with this act. Not only in terms of gender inequality but with evoking people to consider their sins before they play judge over the sins of others.

Disclaimer: Before we go further, I am not an advocate for adultery by men or women. This is in no way a justification of adultery. We sadly live in a society where you must support the shaming of the acts your fellow women do wrong or you will be perceived as part of the bad crop. I feel women are treated more unfairly when they commit adultery than males are and that is not right. I am against the shaming of women in ways men do not get shamed or looked down on when they cheat. We have come to accept that women must never cheat rather than no one must ever cheat. The reality is men and women will be unfaithful for different reasons because they are different beings. We must NOT accept the viewpoint that the consequences of one sex cheating is lighter than the other. That is inequality. I re-iterate the point that I am not defending or justifying cheating women. I am disagreeing with the inequality that surrounds a woman cheating. Those are 2 different things.

Let us analyse the story from the book of John 8:1-11. The first thing that you notice is that there nowhere in story is the man she committed adultery with mentioned. He was just as guilty of the act as she was. He however did not get stones cast at him, because he was allowed a pass where as the woman was not. A common Zambian saying goes ‘Ubuchende wa umwaume tabu toba n’ganda’ Directly translated means a ‘infidelity committed by a man will not wreck a home. Maybe there is more to this quote than the prima facie meaning. More that my still maturing mind is yet to fully fathom and grasp. However what bothers me is this, if infidelity is such a bad thing, why are men given a pass to do it and not women. Additionally if there are joys in infidelity why are women excluded or not accorded the pleasure of partaking in these joys. What is bad for the man should be bad for the woman because although not created the same we are created equal.

Another angle to view it from is from the verse Luke 10:27
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.(King James Bible)
The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”(New Living Translation)

The bible commands us to love our neighbour as our self. If men do not want to be cheated on, they must not cheat. If women do not want to be cheated on the must not cheat. If one does not frown upon a man cheating, they must not frown upon a woman cheating. Men as much as women are guilty of encouraging this inequality.

Though this portion of scripture has to do with infidelity, the principle set by it is applicable to all areas where there is inequality when it comes to both men and women. Just like Christ stood up for the woman who was being judged by people whose hands were just as dirty as hers the only difference is the type of dirt they had on them. Men in our society, the Christian men from our Christian nation arise and follow the example of Christ in defending women from having stones cast at them. Men need to move away from the crowd and stand in the place where Jesus stood to protect the woman from the harshness of society.

Notice Jesus was not in support of her, neither did he condemn or seek to know the details. His only interest was in her going on to pursue a different path of life that involved her not committing adultery or any other sins. His only interest was for her to ‘Go and sin no more’. I heard a quote from a movie ‘Strong men don’t hurt you, only the weak ones do’ and there is so much truth to it. Only weak men throw stones in the form of insults, mean words or jokes, use women because of the reputation that hangs over them etc.

Men must be the front liners in addressing gender inequality in all its forms, not just to with fidelity or the lack there of. We live in a patriarchal society where most of the power and decision making ability is vested in the men. They should thus be in the forefront ensuring inequalities against women are being addressed. They exist because they are not being addressed by the holders of the power to do something about the oppression.

If girls are taught to remain pure, and boys are encouraged to sexually explore who are they expected to explore with each other. It creates toxicity if you expecting the girls you are encouraging to be pure are shamed once they fall as prey to the boys who you encourage to explore. There must be equality, either both sexes are taught purity or both are allowed to be sexually exploring. It doesn’t even make sense, who are these boys expected to experiment with? Themselves or each other? Kindly give them that memo when passing down these toxic lessons to them.

As a country that has boldly professed itself as a christian nation it is important that we intentionally begin to walk the talk in a manner that goes beyond a ceremonial religious acts like having a day for prayer if on every other day we are not carrying out the liberation Christ came to bring. What do the religious things mean if we as a country are not a shining example to other non christian countries?

Dear male species, our brother,fathers, uncles, cousins etc please be Jesus with skin on to all the women in society. Yours, a concerned female.