Did you really just cast the first stone?

I came across a Zambian social media sensation this past week of some guy called Nyuma. People really #roasted him. Funny how people unite to gang up on others and bring them down.

This Nyuma guy whoever he is, is quite a character. A thief, a liar and good at fiction. Well thats what I was able to infer from all the posts, comments and memes.Sadly what bothers me more than the things I have heard about this Nyuma guy is people’s reactions and responses to him. We are such a judgemental society. We look down on people who sin just like us but because the sin differently or their sin is publically displayed . We shame, we criticise and pass judgement on them. 

Among the people that posted and created memes were fornicaters. Cadres who shared the spoils of government looting isn’t that theft. Guys who lie to girls to get with them, cheaters, people who abort, people who disobey their parents. The list is endless.  All sins none of them better or carrying less weight than Nyuma’s.

When Jesus stood before the crowd that wanted to stone the adulterous woman according to the law of the day. He asked ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ No one was able to. He drew their attention away from her sin and towards their own sin. He the only person present without sin did not cast a stone but instead extended love and direction towards a better life. Which is what we as followers of Christ should be. How many of us said a prayer for Nyuma or reached out to encourage him or lead him to Christ. The truth is Nyuma needs to change from what I inferred he is problem but true change comes from knowing the truth, it comes from the fear of the Lord. How do we treat the Nyuma’s in our lives? Do we cast stones at them or do we extend the love of Christ?

Guide to Being a first time maid of honour to the first bride in your social circle….


My best friend just got married, that officially marks me being a part of a bridal party for the first time as an adult.

NB:I wrote this in the period leading up to the wedding and after the wedding.

Apart from a few articles and images I got from Pinterest in addition  to shreds of observation. I wasn’t too sure what being maid of honour entails. Apart from that, I’ve noticed alot of what I think the maid of honours duties should be are things I’ve seen in different scenes from different movies. This was empasised when one of the girls asked me if the bride had gotten her bridal lingerie. I had no idea it was part of the duties of the maid of honour to ensure this. For someone that lives under a rock the most of that the time. I don’t watch too many movies and series neither do I attend a lot of weddings. Thus limiting my self from further being educated or refreshed in the maid of honour duties are. Also attending a wedding only gives you a glimpse into the duties of the maid of honour on the actual day. It does not teach you what goes on behind the scenes.

Zambian weddings have a matron who performs a lot of the functions a maid of honour does in a different setting(as seen on tv) so it can get a little confusing on what your role is.The new culture presented to us by the media in its various forms often does tug of war with the traditional Zambian nuptials and had me confused over what is maid of honour duty and what isn’t.

Here is a list of things you should be aware of as a maid of honour. Some are things I wish I’d known or wish I could have done better. Others are things I knew before some are things I learned along the way from experience some are things I was told about.

Pause, the other bridesmaids just walked in and in order to not disturb the writing I’ve had to excuse myself. Sorry, lets continue

1.Make sure you’re accessible. Don’t have a communication struggle Months leading up to my first time maid of honour duty was laden with technological malfunction. Something in my fingers must have been kryptonite to all technology around me because my phone was messed up. My laptop just wouldn’t charge.It was terrible. I was not the most accessible maid of honour.

The bride needs to be able to bounce ideas off of you. It also helps you know her vision. And help her achieve it. Fortunately for our bride she had a few other shoulders to lean on when I couldn’t be available. It wasn’t easy for her  but we pulled through it.

  • Be accessible

2. Take the time to ask questions and find out what is expected of you. Ask the bride what she would expect from you. Read articles. Look on Pinterest. Etc even take the time to watch bridal related TV shows.chick flicks etc Its OK for you not to know. What is not OK is not taking the time to learn.

3 . Constantly ask the bride how she is feeling. What she would need help with. It is overwhelming for her. Help carry the burden planning a wedding is stressful.  You are an unpaid employee of the wedding. So make sure you put in your hours.

4. Remind her of things she may have forgotten. Weddings can get tedious with so many ideas and options to choose from. As much as you can jot down your brainstorming sessions or her ideas.
5.On the day of the wedding as much as is possible ensure people to get be ready on time.Sometimes you may have to push people.Help people get dressed. Be willing to do things that will help people get ready quicker. No matter how menial the tasks may seem.

6. If you’re doing a dance routine.  Make sure you practice more than everyone else. As the person in the front people look to you for direction. If you mess up everyone does.

7.Be at the brides beck and call as much as is possible. I’m not the most subservient person I know…. lol. I made a conscious decision to be for the duration of the wedding period because I would like to have someone I know can rely on if I were the bride.

8. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL. Stress and emotions may be high during the wedding. The bride or other people around may become affected by this and act unpleasantly or even say things that aren’t nice. Don’t take it personal even when it is. Let things go and if there are any offenses you have suffered that must be addressed.Do it after the wedding. The wedding is not about you.

NB: You may or may not experience it but prepare for what comes with estrogen, people may be catty, or dramatic or may talk behind each others backs etc IGNORE it only address what needs to be addressed.

9.Make sure you save and plan for the wedding  Anticipate costs you may have not budgeted for. Weddings are costly.

10.Try to be as organised beforehand as you can because the wedding will get hectic. I lost so many things during my bestie’s weddings because I had to attend to the bride and to myself.

  • Ensure your belongings are packed or put together, and if the other ladies are gracious enough delegate the responsibility to them.
  • Use items you don’t mind losing

 

Wedding trends are continually evolving and it’s hard to keep up it’s you’re not immersed in it.

Other things you may expected to do as the maid of honour.

  • Be in the forefront of arranging a hen party.
  • This one was mentioned to me much later; Make sure the maid of honour has bridal lingerie.
  • Grab the veil or keep it from flying off the brides head on a windy day lol

 

NB:On the day of the wedding or any other nuptial related event, leave everything all your worries or personal issues you may be facing at home. You can go back to them after the wedding passes. The day goes by very fast. For the most part you are unaware of the photographer/s you don’t want to be caught on camera looking like Cinderella;s step sister. The period surrounding the wedding was a very trying time for me, and it did show in some of the pictures. Anyway….

Remember to have fun, the day goes by so fast and you will miss it. I hope this helps someone.