From ab initio, the weight of moral uprightness has been placed heavier on women than it has been on men. Some say the sanctity of the society depends on how morally upright the women are. A common saying goes ‘Mwamuna sa sila’ in Nyanja or ‘Umwaumbe ta pwa’ directly translated a man’s worth is never diminished. These are the type of sayings that are used to caution girls, rightfully so to take due care of their reputations and their bodies. Adversely though men have used this to their advantage to live their lives recklessly.
Growing up as a young girl in Zambia, you are constantly taught and warned about your conduct. We were always made wary to not indulge in activity that would ‘diminish our worth’. For most Zambian girls from the time they are young are nurtured to be wives. You constantly were warned that if you did certain things you would never get married. Rightfully so. The only problem with this, is the imbalance little boys are not raised with the goal of making a fine husband out of them. It would be interesting to find out exactly how low the numbers are of young males that have been raised to protect not only their purity but the purity and virtue of the females they encounter through life.
I will dare to speculate that the numbers are low. This is depicted by the state of society. Girls are taught to preserve themselves because men are animals, if you give it to them they will take it. It is highly upsetting by how this is also evident in how we view sexual abuse. Girls are told to be modest or they will arouse men. I agree with teaching modesty to girls. I however disagree with blaming sexual abuse on immodesty. I blame it on men not being taught to control themselves. Even modestly dressed women have been sexually abused. Discipline and self control should be taught relevantly to children of both sexes.With the increase in immodest dressing, there must be emphasis on increased self control on the male part. Girls should be taught that men are visual beings and easily aroused and should refrain from deliberately dressing in sensual ways as to aid the struggles they face. They should be taught that giving their bodies away will not guranttee that they will be valued or loved. etc On the other hand boys should be taught to control their sexual urges by firstly controlling their thoughts and their eyes. They should be taught to also save themselves for marriage. They should be taught the discipline to say no even when it is being given freely. They should be taught to be compassionate to how women who are not pure are viewed and shamed by society.
Sadly we live in a society where females shame each other more than they have compassion or even teach other females to behave better out of love. Ladies we need to get off that high horse and begin to walk together. The horse is stationary anyway. Today it is one woman’s flaw tomorrow it will be yours. Let’s face it none of us are perfect and just because our imperfections are not put on blast does not make us any better or any wiser. Some women have really low moral values, truth be told, some women cheapen themselves, some women are ratchet etc. Why not help increase her moral values or self worth? The truth is such behaviour is always rooted in pain. Which if you are a woman we have all gone through in excess. In various forms. Why do we help break each other into pieces and rather than lift each other up? When will we begin to fight the innate repulsion towards seeing your peer in a position that seems higher than the position you are in?
We even have the audacity to play judge in the supreme court of sin classifications. Like judge women for fornicating in a one night stand because you think the place for fornication is in a stable relationship. Or that it is wrong to sleep with someone the day you meet them, you must wait a little longer before you fornicate with them? What nonsense we have come to believe, the sentence for all who sin is the same. Hell. The duration you are sentenced to hell is the same, for eternity.
When will the men in the society stand up and protect the women rather than use them to satiate the urges they should be disciplined to control? We can’t change what has gone before, we can however start to change the times we are in so that when the future is here. It is brighter than the past. We all need to make the choice to focus more on the log in our eyes than the speck of the person whose sin is in full view of the public eye.
We need to become fair and real with ourselves and with each other. We make people feel really bad about themselves because of how we feel about us and that’s not fair. Throw stones at someone so that people don’t look at you and focus on your shortcomings. We place high standards on others when we can’t even meet those standards ourselves. The devil that wants us to join him in hell has the same aim, for you to wind up in hell whether man, women, boy, girl, virgin, thief, harlot, gossip or judgemental person. Beware of where your focus is, put things into the real persepective. We need each other to go forward. Putting others down wont create a pedestal for you to walk on. Shaming others wont heal the hurt deep within you. Lets be real! Lets be fair! Let’s be great together.