A Moment of Silence

I have always failed to come to terms with death and loss, how someone who was a part of you can just be put in life’s recycle bin never to be encounterd in live form ever again.

There’s something about being quiet and still which enables you to notice things that missed your attention before.

We often drown our real thoughts and feelings because we’re afraid, afraid of facing the truth, afraid of facing the pain.
Today I’ve decided to take a moment of silence (and I hope you can find the time to take one with me) to just take stock of the loss.
It’s easy to go through life focusing on the tasks we deem as important, the things that will distract us, the things that will act as a salve for the pain.
This is just to remind you that your pain, your emotions your disarray related to your loss are important too, and you must take time to just grieve and grieve deeply at that. That’s OK too, it doesn’t make you weak. Your emotional well-being is just as important, and for as long as you’re not throwing a pity party do not allow anyone to tell you to suck it up without dealing with it and accepting the existence of your pain.
Find a healthy outlet for it, a journal, a creative project, anything that will help you feel better. I like to ‘write the wrongs’ away.

As I think and grieve about my loss today, here is an illustration that I found comforting last year. The irony is that there is life in dead things. The same way that you can make compost heap from dead plants and leaves and use them to enhance the growth of living growing plants is the same manner in which we must handle our losses. Loss has a funny way of propelling us, and we get to decide whether it is self destructive or it’s for your good, the good of others and the good of the legacy of the one/ones you have lost.

 

 

A time for new shoes

We always knew we needed to go up a shoe size when we were growing up because our current shoe size started to hurt. It was no longer comfortable. Because we were trying to ram a foot into a shoe that can no longer contain its size. It’s like trying to put liquid content from a bigger to a smaller jar. The contents will overflow because they cannot be contained and will be wasted. It’s the same things with our lives and the things God wants to use us for. It will require growth, letting go, moving forward, shifting, changing,evolving, quiting certain habits, losing some people, releasing your pride etc
‘The writing on the wall’ that you have to read and act on is spelled out differently for everyone.
The bigger picture is varied in every case.
All I know is I’m growing a shoe size and no matter how lovely the other shoes in my current collection are, I can no longer fit in them.
The beginning of the year begun with the epiphany that just like the date would not read 2017 anymore as badly as I wanted it to. I couldn’t continue a friendship with a dear one because an incident I had with the person close to the year’s end taught me we were not on the same page and this relationship was not the same dimensions of when it first begun. I was on course till we hang out again a few months into the year fast forward I’m back in the same place cutting them off because like expired food,all it’s been is toxic to us both. As I reflected where I had stumbled it’s because my new shoes hurt too and before I could break into them so they could be comfortable, I went back to the familiarity of my old shoes. That was a pain I knew, I knew what to wear them on. But because I had grown even more all they did was bruise my feet and get spoilt.
A note from me to you don’t stop wearing your shoes because they hurt. Wear them down till they are comfortable for you.

It might be time to get that new pair of shoes because none of the ones you own are suitable or durable enough for the new terrain which you must now walk on.

Whatever the case,allow yourself to Bloom, to grow and to evolve.

Embrace your new shoes and the new territory you’re exploring in them.♥️

Gender inequality in a Christian Nation.. 

We are blessed to live in a country that has taken a stand and declared itself a Christian nation because lets face it the peace and tranquility we enjoy in this country is just God given.

A Christian simply defined is one who follows the example of Christ and strives to be more like him. You don’t need me to say that despite Zambia being a Christian nation the majority do not live their lives abiding by Christian values, the evidence is every you look. Many may be religious but how many of us aim to live a life that is pleasing to God. It is evident with our political scene,our culture, our families, our government,  our neighbours, our church leaders and ourselves that christian principles are not being properly applied. One area it is extremely prevalent in,is the gender inequality.

Jesus from inference in the scriptures believed in ending gender inequality. One area our society is unequal on a gender basis is when it comes to our women and their involvement in adultery. Right from the beginning of the fall of man women were cursed to be right under the dominion of man  ‘; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee’(Genesis 3:16 KJV) which is a contrast to by his side as an equal. Which we can infer from the fact that God used Adams rib to create Eve symbolising they should be side by side.

One of the most significant things Jesus came to do was to save man from the separation from God which came as a direct consequence of the fall of man. Any man or woman who is anew in Christ is not subject to the curses man has been subject since Adam and Eve. Why then do men still oppress women? Born again Christian men.

One of my favourite bible passages is the story of how Jesus saved the Adulteress woman from being stoned by the crowd pursuing her. This portion of scripture is potent with lessons. Firstly there is no mention of the man she was committing adultery with, clear inequality. Both parties were guilty but only one was being punished. Jesus set precedent with this act. Not only in terms of gender inequality but with evoking people to consider their sins before they play judge over the sins of others.

Disclaimer: Before we go further, I am not an advocate for adultery by men or women. This is in no way a justification of adultery. We sadly live in a society where you must support the shaming of the acts your fellow women do wrong or you will be perceived as part of the bad crop. I feel women are treated more unfairly when they commit adultery than males are and that is not right. I am against the shaming of women in ways men do not get shamed or looked down on when they cheat. We have come to accept that women must never cheat rather than no one must ever cheat. The reality is men and women will be unfaithful for different reasons because they are different beings. We must NOT accept the viewpoint that the consequences of one sex cheating is lighter than the other. That is inequality. I re-iterate the point that I am not defending or justifying cheating women. I am disagreeing with the inequality that surrounds a woman cheating. Those are 2 different things.

Let us analyse the story from the book of John 8:1-11. The first thing that you notice is that there nowhere in story is the man she committed adultery with mentioned. He was just as guilty of the act as she was. He however did not get stones cast at him, because he was allowed a pass where as the woman was not. A common Zambian saying goes ‘Ubuchende wa umwaume tabu toba n’ganda’ Directly translated means a ‘infidelity committed by a man will not wreck a home. Maybe there is more to this quote than the prima facie meaning. More that my still maturing mind is yet to fully fathom and grasp. However what bothers me is this, if infidelity is such a bad thing, why are men given a pass to do it and not women. Additionally if there are joys in infidelity why are women excluded or not accorded the pleasure of partaking in these joys. What is bad for the man should be bad for the woman because although not created the same we are created equal.

Another angle to view it from is from the verse Luke 10:27
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.(King James Bible)
The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”(New Living Translation)

The bible commands us to love our neighbour as our self. If men do not want to be cheated on, they must not cheat. If women do not want to be cheated on the must not cheat. If one does not frown upon a man cheating, they must not frown upon a woman cheating. Men as much as women are guilty of encouraging this inequality.

Though this portion of scripture has to do with infidelity, the principle set by it is applicable to all areas where there is inequality when it comes to both men and women. Just like Christ stood up for the woman who was being judged by people whose hands were just as dirty as hers the only difference is the type of dirt they had on them. Men in our society, the Christian men from our Christian nation arise and follow the example of Christ in defending women from having stones cast at them. Men need to move away from the crowd and stand in the place where Jesus stood to protect the woman from the harshness of society.

Notice Jesus was not in support of her, neither did he condemn or seek to know the details. His only interest was in her going on to pursue a different path of life that involved her not committing adultery or any other sins. His only interest was for her to ‘Go and sin no more’. I heard a quote from a movie ‘Strong men don’t hurt you, only the weak ones do’ and there is so much truth to it. Only weak men throw stones in the form of insults, mean words or jokes, use women because of the reputation that hangs over them etc.

Men must be the front liners in addressing gender inequality in all its forms, not just to with fidelity or the lack there of. We live in a patriarchal society where most of the power and decision making ability is vested in the men. They should thus be in the forefront ensuring inequalities against women are being addressed. They exist because they are not being addressed by the holders of the power to do something about the oppression.

If girls are taught to remain pure, and boys are encouraged to sexually explore who are they expected to explore with each other. It creates toxicity if you expecting the girls you are encouraging to be pure are shamed once they fall as prey to the boys who you encourage to explore. There must be equality, either both sexes are taught purity or both are allowed to be sexually exploring. It doesn’t even make sense, who are these boys expected to experiment with? Themselves or each other? Kindly give them that memo when passing down these toxic lessons to them.

As a country that has boldly professed itself as a christian nation it is important that we intentionally begin to walk the talk in a manner that goes beyond a ceremonial religious acts like having a day for prayer if on every other day we are not carrying out the liberation Christ came to bring. What do the religious things mean if we as a country are not a shining example to other non christian countries?

Dear male species, our brother,fathers, uncles, cousins etc please be Jesus with skin on to all the women in society. Yours, a concerned female.

Un-necessary multi tasking

In a world where we never seem to have enough time to do everything we want and have to do, the Homo sapiens has evolved to be able to do more than one task at once;multi tasking.Women are said to be the better task at multi tasking(I’m not sure I do it very well.)

There are many things in life that require your full attention because each individual task requires your total devotion.

WORRY is a task that drains your abilities and impedes your faculties from performing more meaningful tasks because it excessively saps you of your vital strength, focus and joy.

Have you ever tried to perform a meaningful task and found yourself distracted by the things you’re worrying about?

Have you ever found yourself with not enough time because you either procrastinated because you had to worry?Or wasted your time doing something that wasn’t necessary like worry?

Worry does that, it keeps you from doing the things you should be doing because your focus is on your worries.

WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING IF THE THINGS YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT WERE SORTED OUT OR WERE NOT SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT?

Get busy doing that or begin to focus on because that is where your attention should be. time you spending worrying is time not spent on the things you should be focusing on.

I know how much worry can consume you, I am a ‘worrier’ too.I know life can way you down or leave you lost and hopeless. ‘Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?(Matthew 6:27)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34) verses like this have been vital in my metamorphosis from ‘worrier’ to warrior because of the epiphany that God cares about me and all the things that irk me, he cares about my needs and all that pertains to me. There is someone who is already working on the things I am worried about, so my fears or negative thoughts and feelings are not necessary because ‘ALL things will work together for my good'(my favourite verse right now Romans 8:28) NB: All things not some things.
When you worry you are unnecessarily multi tasking with a task that isn’t even your responsibility.
STOP wasting time worrying! Time you spend worrying is time you don’t spend doing what you ought to be doing, the things that God has called you or asked you to do. God does not want you to worry. Worry is outside the will of God for your life.
There is a time for everything, there is however never a time for worry.

Did you really just cast the first stone?

I came across a Zambian social media sensation this past week of some guy called Nyuma. People really #roasted him. Funny how people unite to gang up on others and bring them down.

This Nyuma guy whoever he is, is quite a character. A thief, a liar and good at fiction. Well thats what I was able to infer from all the posts, comments and memes.Sadly what bothers me more than the things I have heard about this Nyuma guy is people’s reactions and responses to him. We are such a judgemental society. We look down on people who sin just like us but because the sin differently or their sin is publically displayed . We shame, we criticise and pass judgement on them. 

Among the people that posted and created memes were fornicaters. Cadres who shared the spoils of government looting isn’t that theft. Guys who lie to girls to get with them, cheaters, people who abort, people who disobey their parents. The list is endless.  All sins none of them better or carrying less weight than Nyuma’s.

When Jesus stood before the crowd that wanted to stone the adulterous woman according to the law of the day. He asked ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ No one was able to. He drew their attention away from her sin and towards their own sin. He the only person present without sin did not cast a stone but instead extended love and direction towards a better life. Which is what we as followers of Christ should be. How many of us said a prayer for Nyuma or reached out to encourage him or lead him to Christ. The truth is Nyuma needs to change from what I inferred he is problem but true change comes from knowing the truth, it comes from the fear of the Lord. How do we treat the Nyuma’s in our lives? Do we cast stones at them or do we extend the love of Christ?

Unequally Yolked or Inequality?

Many Christians today discriminate other less mature Christians or Christians staggering in their Christian walk. Through that many of us prevent their growth or inhibit their correction on the path.

What about non Christians, those still living in deep sin and have not yet opened their eyes and hearts to God? Those who may have gotten the chance to be saved through us networking with them and connecting them to our saviour?

The people in our lives and the people around us, are not there by accident. We are placed in our lived to give them a touch of God’s love, a message from God or even a connection to God.

‘Do not be yolked with unbelievers’ many of us have heard sermons, lectures and teachings about this. One illustration comes to mind of 2 people standing side by side, except one is standing on a higher place than the other. The purpose of this illustration is to reflect the impossibility of the person at height pulling the one on lower ground up to their level(unless they have superman strength). In comparision to how with relative ease the one on the ground pulls the other one down. I think yolking ourselves to unbelievers entails us placing an unbeliever in a place where they will be greatly able to affect your life and life’s decisions. Eg Marriage, long term relationships, certain business partnerships. Unless you are easily influenced or not properly rooted in the word of God. Interacting or having dinner with a sinner will not make you backslide. This is not to say take yourself into the line of temptation eg if you are battling with alchoholism hang out with drunkards. Or if you have problems dealing with your sexual urges you spend time with promiscuous women, this will lead to you being unequally yolked.

Rather let us open our eyes to the inequalities Christians can create;              ‘Don’t talk to that girl she will spoil you, she had a child outside wedlock’ or ‘Don’t talk to him, he is gay’ or ‘Those people are sinners’ or ‘He has a mouth full of filth and profanity’

That is an attitude that does not reflect the love of Christ ,it is hypocrisy and spiritual immaturity. It is a misrepresentation of Christ he that dined with sinners and talked to promiscuous women. We all at one time or even currently have battled with sin. Even secret sin or sin that is in the public eye. Has God rejected you because of this?

Sin is like a disease and people that are full of it need healing. The church is a hospital for the sinner, why then are we keeping those held in bondage by their sin away from there? We all need to descend from the pedestals we may have placed ourselves on and acquire the empathy of Christ.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK AT WHEN YOU SEE A SINNER?

  1. Do you go into comparision about how you are better off than they are? Begin to pray over your inferiority complex!
  2. Do you immediately want to remove yourself from the filth because you are holy? You are missing out on an opportunity to preach the gospel, you are not following the directive to share Christ.
  3. Do you see a lost person in need of help? A potential soldier for the Lords army?

The advantage you feel you have over someone else is never a reason to look down on them, instead it is instead a reason to share with someone something they don’t have.