Women Are Trash Too

I am deeply irked by toxic masculinity and misogyny these are real issues that are heightened and in some instances created by a patriarchal society. As women’s Month begins it would be nice for us to do some introspection on the many real ways in which toxic femininity really does exist in our society.

I heard of a story where a Zambian woman and her friends assaulted a woman who was alleged to be committing adultery with the woman’s husband. Part of this abuse included the forceful insertion of a beer bottle into the vagina of this woman who was said to be the side chick. I haven’t seen the video yet,and honestly I don’t want to. This however fills me with an array of emotions, rage,sadness, compassion, empathy and dismay…it is mind boggling and makes me quite dizzy.  I could go into some deep social analysis of the root of this issue, how women are raised to view each other as opponents rather than allies, how shipikisha club does not allow for women to express or the emotions that come with infidelity in a healthy way, how the African man has absolute power and is thus corrupted absolutely, how a huge part of our culture is designed to oppress women and whole list of other things.

I however want to focus on how in 2019 we women are trash to each other! We see it on social media in the nasty comments where women break one another down, when women withhold due compliments and praise but quickly dish out slander and nasty comments. We see it when we join the men in tearing down and degrading women of questionable character or women who have the same levels of promiscuity as men. We see it when women fight one another for men who had no honour for either one. Men are trash, it goes without saying and with no argument there. However could we for just a second interrogate some other reasons we contribute to why Men are Trash? Men are trash because we have taught them by how we treat one another as women,we implicitly say that it’s ok to treat a certain women or in fact all women like trash.

We also forget that a lot of these men who are trash are raised and influenced by females in their homes.

We have a pretty prominent female presidential candidate who other women won’t vote for not because her plans are policies are bad, not because she does not have the intelligence or the passion not even because she does not have a proven track record but because it’s alleged that she stole another woman’s husband. Whether she did is another thing. How many of our male presidents had their first wife as first Lady? No one thinks of that. It’s funny how women all stand in solidarity against the other woman, while give the man a pass like he had no hand in the matter.

The truth is whether we want to admit to it or not there are also female misogynists among us and toxic feminity is a a real thing. And these are issues we need to begin to deal with.

One cardinal thing to note is that when a woman pulls down another woman, degrades her or bullies her online, when she won’t give her political support, when she dislikes another woman because she is confident and assertive it is not an act of her exerting superiority over the other woman it reflects internal battles and insecurity. Women are trash too! 

We need to treat one another better than we do at present and unite towards the commonalities that united us.

Happy women’s month.

Moral Equity

From ab initio, the weight of moral uprightness has been placed heavier on women than it has been on men. Some say the sanctity of the society depends on how morally upright the women are. A common saying goes ‘Mwamuna sa sila’ in Nyanja or ‘Umwaumbe ta pwa’ directly translated a man’s worth is never diminished. These are the type of sayings that are used to caution girls, rightfully so to take due care of their reputations and their bodies. Adversely though men have used this to their advantage to live their lives recklessly.

Growing up as a young girl in Zambia, you are constantly taught and warned about your conduct. We were always made wary to not indulge in activity that would ‘diminish our worth’. For most Zambian girls from the time they are young are nurtured to be wives. You constantly were warned that if you did certain things you would never get married. Rightfully so. The only problem with this, is the imbalance little boys are not raised with the goal of making a fine husband out of them. It would be interesting to find out exactly how low the numbers are of young males that have been raised to protect not only their purity but the purity and virtue of the females they encounter through life.

I will dare to speculate that the numbers are low. This is depicted by the state of society. Girls are taught to preserve themselves because men are animals, if you give it to them they will take it. It is highly upsetting by how this is also evident in how we view sexual abuse. Girls are told to be modest or they will arouse men. I agree with teaching modesty to girls. I however disagree with blaming sexual abuse on immodesty. I blame it on men not being taught to control themselves. Even modestly dressed women have been sexually abused. Discipline and self control should be taught relevantly to children of both sexes.With the increase in immodest dressing, there must be emphasis on increased self control on the male part. Girls should be taught that men are visual beings and easily aroused and should refrain from deliberately dressing in sensual ways as to aid the struggles they face. They should be taught that giving their bodies away will not guranttee that they will be valued or loved. etc On the other hand boys should be taught to control their sexual urges by firstly controlling their thoughts and their eyes. They should be taught to also save themselves for marriage. They should be taught the discipline to say no even when it is being given freely. They should be taught to be compassionate to how women who are not pure are viewed and shamed by society.

Sadly we live in a society where females shame each other more than they have compassion or even teach other females to behave better out of love. Ladies we need to get off that high horse and begin to walk together. The horse is stationary anyway. Today it is one woman’s flaw tomorrow it will be yours. Let’s face it none of us are perfect and just because our imperfections are not put on blast does not make us any better or any wiser. Some women have really low moral values, truth be told, some women cheapen themselves, some women are ratchet etc. Why not help increase her moral values or self worth? The truth is such behaviour is always rooted in pain. Which if you are a woman we have all gone through in excess. In various forms. Why do we help break each other into pieces and rather than lift each other up? When will we begin to fight the innate repulsion towards seeing your peer in a position that seems higher than the position you are in?

We even have the audacity to play judge in the supreme court of sin classifications. Like judge women for fornicating in a one night stand because you think the place for fornication is in a stable relationship. Or that it is wrong to sleep with someone the day you meet them, you must wait a little longer before you fornicate with them? What nonsense we have come to believe, the sentence for all who sin is the same. Hell. The duration you are sentenced to hell is the same, for eternity.

When will the men in the society stand up and protect the women rather than use them to satiate the urges they should be disciplined to control? We can’t change what has gone before, we can however start to change the times we are in so that when the future is here. It is brighter than the past. We all need to make the choice to focus more on the log in our eyes than the speck of the person whose sin is in full view of the public eye.

We need to become fair and real with ourselves and with each other. We make people feel really bad about themselves because of how we feel about us and that’s not fair. Throw stones at someone so that people don’t look at you and focus on your shortcomings. We place high standards on others when we can’t even meet those standards ourselves. The devil that wants us to join him in hell has the same aim, for you to wind up in hell whether man, women, boy, girl, virgin, thief, harlot, gossip or judgemental person. Beware of where your focus is, put things into the real persepective. We need each other to go forward. Putting others down wont create a pedestal for you to walk on. Shaming others wont heal the hurt deep within you. Lets be real! Lets be fair! Let’s be great together.

You’re a garden what are you planting…

The truth of the matter is everything we come in contact with has an impact on us. Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad other times it is amoral. Our thoughts are greatly influenced by the things we come in contact with. What we allow to have have residence in our minds and our hearts determines how we operate. They say the quality of your mind is determined by the quality of your thoughts. How you feel about yourself or people around you determines how you treat the person.

Weeds take away from the aesthetics and affect the performance of plants in a garden. Weeds are the negative thoughts and emotions you fail to uproot or control. the more weeds, the less room to grow good plants.

The only person that can control your mind and your thoughts is you.

Insecurities

We all have had one or a few at one time or another. Many of us may still be dealing with them in their different forms. From feeling like you are too fat or too skin. Too dark. Not endowed
 enough. Where you live.What you look like.The list is endless.

The truth is, there are some things that are within our power to change. Like you could manage your weight better for example. Or you could work harder stop giving excuses inprove your financial situation. Then there are the things that we cant change without altering God’s intention for our lives. Things like the way your nose is shaped,or our complexion.That body feature you least like etc

Insecurities come mostly from comparison and the belief that something should be different from its present state. You want to be like the light skin girl that gets more attention. Or the tall guy who has girls swooning over him.

One of my greatest moments of liberation was when I got to the realisation that the things God made me with, where he placed me is all for a purpose.It is all on purpose that im shaped the way I am. Things like the way my feet look or even though it is much to my annoyance my body sheds weight easily but struggles to gain it.

My song of the year Travis Greene’s intentional says ‘All things are working for my good because he’s intentional,  he is never failing’

Sometimes we dont see the point in alot of the things we go through or about us till much later.

Many of us struggle with accepting our physical appearance. God makes us just the way we should look.with many of us if we were anymore beautiful the world would suffer. And with some being really beautiful would be a hinderance rather than a help to whatever your purpose is thats why you were not created like that. Or maybe God is holding off giving you wealth or a particular blessing because you don’t know how to handle it and it would be a hinderance to you at present.etc

Turn your insecurities to the secure rock you can forever count on Jesus and let him show you their purpose. Insecurities are things you are looking at wrongly or not looking at correctly.  They may be disguised blessings or hidden opportunities.  I challenge you to change your perspective about yourself.

‘Go wear your shoes’

‘Mummy I want to come with you’ the infant said as she saw her mother dolled up to leave the house.

‘But baby where I’m going they don’t allow children’ the mother responds getting irritated because she is late and the last thing she needs is childish demands

The infant’s face starts to contort twisting the cute face into a saddened one. A prelude to tears.

Daddy is outside hooting because they are late due to the multiple outfit changes.

‘OK baby go and wear your shoes’ mummy says ‘don’t cry put them on nicely’

The infant dashes off to her room to hurriedly wear her shoes.Filled with excitement and curiousity of the excursion.

She reports dutifully to the door and to her horror she finds her parents gone!

How many of us experienced that as kids?

It got me thinking about faith. We faithfully trusted that our parents would wait for us and we would accompany them on the excursion. Maybe sometimes they actually made us go and get our shoes and we would find them waiting.

The point is we trusted them. That is the same way we should trust God. Blindly and confidently. The plus side to God in comparison to our eartly parents is that if he tells you to go and wear your shoes while he waits, you will find him waiting for you. He keeps his word. He doesn’t tell you to go and wear shoes as an escape tactic.

Dear Electorate

My problem , with the electorate practically everywhere in the world. We cast our vote based on how well the political candidates market themselves to us. We are far too lazy to read and research on why they would really be good candidates. How many of us take the time to read party manifestos, party policies etc? Why should we subject ourselves to the two main options? How many of us are so frustrated that we have to choose between 2 options we are not keen on? how many people are frustrated into voter apathy? Aren’t there enough of us in that intersection to give a candidate a decent following? Valid, the candidates have to better brand themselves and appeal to us as the public. True, and apart from Muliokela lol, HH and President Lungu are the two that have our attention. True they are the only two that matter right now. But what about the others, have we taken the time to consider them? Why not? We all get affected by bad governance whether or not we voted, why not use the one card you can actually play to make a difference. Your voters card.
This is a call to action, action for us all to take the time to read the policies the prospective leaders come up with get to know what they are all about.How many of us think its actually our job to hold the government accountable you for how they spend our tax or the loans they get that we have to pay back? Dont most of us get affected when fuel prices are high, when the economy is doing badly you might as well start to take a keen interest. Are you honestly going to let your fate be decided by the masses? The uneducated masses that use reasoning sparingly when they vote? True the voice is in the masses, but the words they sing or speak in are controlled by the minority. The minority that take the time to think about how best to control them and use what disadvantages them to their advantage. At the risk of sounding narcisistic or like I’m advocating for mind control. Lets call a spade what we really call it here in Zambia, A shovel. Lol Why cant you be the one giving the voice the words to say? The problem with many of us is that we do not think it is our problem. Not till it stares us in the face and we lose a stare down contest with it. Think about how unruly the cadres have become, if we gave the PF government another term do you not think it will only become worse? they will become more bold, fearless and unruly.Think about the UPND cadres who have been made more brutal by the harsh treatment they have received. They are bitter and thirsty for revenge and the power to be as powerful as PF cadres. How long till they smash your windscreen for no good reason while you’re driving near your residential area? They harmed you because you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?
The reality is, we all have the power to make a difference in our own capacity that goes beyond the power of our single vote. We have the power to influence others into making wiser decisions, either through conversations and utilising our talents. Who knows you may write the lyrics to a song that makes an opposition party win, because at the end of the day I guess you’re only as good as your campaign song here in Zambia. One thing that has been behind the success of the PF government is their ablity to appeal and entertain the masses. The won Zambia with ‘Donchi Kubeba’ maintained it with ‘kolopa dot com’. Now they are overshadowing their opposition with ‘sonta eko wa bomba’ What PF does really well is marketing. They do it will because they know their target market well.
The emphasis is on being well informed so that we are not victims of good marketing again. Give whoever you see fit your vote. But please for the sake of our great nation let it be for a good well informed reason. Let us choose our leaders wisely let us raise the bar of what politicians and leaders should be. It really starts with you and if you pass up on the opportunity it will never start to change.

Unequally Yolked or Inequality?

Many Christians today discriminate other less mature Christians or Christians staggering in their Christian walk. Through that many of us prevent their growth or inhibit their correction on the path.

What about non Christians, those still living in deep sin and have not yet opened their eyes and hearts to God? Those who may have gotten the chance to be saved through us networking with them and connecting them to our saviour?

The people in our lives and the people around us, are not there by accident. We are placed in our lived to give them a touch of God’s love, a message from God or even a connection to God.

‘Do not be yolked with unbelievers’ many of us have heard sermons, lectures and teachings about this. One illustration comes to mind of 2 people standing side by side, except one is standing on a higher place than the other. The purpose of this illustration is to reflect the impossibility of the person at height pulling the one on lower ground up to their level(unless they have superman strength). In comparision to how with relative ease the one on the ground pulls the other one down. I think yolking ourselves to unbelievers entails us placing an unbeliever in a place where they will be greatly able to affect your life and life’s decisions. Eg Marriage, long term relationships, certain business partnerships. Unless you are easily influenced or not properly rooted in the word of God. Interacting or having dinner with a sinner will not make you backslide. This is not to say take yourself into the line of temptation eg if you are battling with alchoholism hang out with drunkards. Or if you have problems dealing with your sexual urges you spend time with promiscuous women, this will lead to you being unequally yolked.

Rather let us open our eyes to the inequalities Christians can create;              ‘Don’t talk to that girl she will spoil you, she had a child outside wedlock’ or ‘Don’t talk to him, he is gay’ or ‘Those people are sinners’ or ‘He has a mouth full of filth and profanity’

That is an attitude that does not reflect the love of Christ ,it is hypocrisy and spiritual immaturity. It is a misrepresentation of Christ he that dined with sinners and talked to promiscuous women. We all at one time or even currently have battled with sin. Even secret sin or sin that is in the public eye. Has God rejected you because of this?

Sin is like a disease and people that are full of it need healing. The church is a hospital for the sinner, why then are we keeping those held in bondage by their sin away from there? We all need to descend from the pedestals we may have placed ourselves on and acquire the empathy of Christ.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK AT WHEN YOU SEE A SINNER?

  1. Do you go into comparision about how you are better off than they are? Begin to pray over your inferiority complex!
  2. Do you immediately want to remove yourself from the filth because you are holy? You are missing out on an opportunity to preach the gospel, you are not following the directive to share Christ.
  3. Do you see a lost person in need of help? A potential soldier for the Lords army?

The advantage you feel you have over someone else is never a reason to look down on them, instead it is instead a reason to share with someone something they don’t have.

 

 

 

Watering me down with your love..

Written 2013

Pouring all of your love on me while I shiver from the cold of my love that didn’t engulf me in his…

You flood me with your time and affection..

I’m drowning in it all..

Wiping the tears that trickle down my face when my heart questions why my love never felt the way you do, why couldn’t he treat me or feel the way you do?

A vessel with holes, will not hold its contents.. Another piece breaks off my heart..

Pity wells in my eyes as you attempt to win a heart that’s a write off..

You look at me as a mirror the other half of you? Would you still feel the same if you saw the view from my eyes of what the mirror reflects when I stand before it?

Watering me down with your love, like a frail plant needing care.

I gaze as you attempt to plant love in my heart. Weak soil wont hold roots firm.

Could you be watering me down more than you need to be? Washing other nutrients away?

For all one know I could be like the desert flower, no more than a few drops required, anymore than that and you’re doing harm and not good.

Watering me down with your love? Washing my heart clean perhaps..cleaning up after the tears?

The bar of soap washing off the scars, the hurt. But the bar will run out.

Watering me down with your love you are, haven’t you stopped to think for a second that unless I water you back, you may just dry out?

Watering me down may make me sunken treasure for another to find..

 

 

 

THE AMBASSADOR LEADS BY EXAMPLE

Written on: 27/05/2015

The infamous Clifford Dimba commonly known as General Kanene recently appointed as a Goodwill Ambassador in the fight against Gender based violence and child defilement has reached a new depth of low as the example he is setting for others to follow is beating his wife days after being pardoned for child defilement. What irony! Zambians have been left in awe, a combination of speechless and with much to say over the matter. However what do we really expect when the only criteria for his pardoning was not a show of reformation but doing a song in condemnation of Chama Fumba aka Pilato. As a young person I am gravely disappointed by his Excellency President Edgar Lungu and the multitudes of voices that sprung up in support of the pardoning. We can infer from Mr Dimba’s action that they were in support of a man they didn’t know for a fact to be a changed man. The inference has been proven right by Mr Dimba’s actions that have degraded and disarmed the words and statements of support. The presidential pardon is a perogative that is to be used at the president’s discretion for prisoners that are contrite and deserve a second chance. For someone with a legal background, his Excellency President Lungu ought to know there was a reason why the court prescribed an 18 year sentence on Mr Dimba. The Zambian Judiciary performed it’s duty, a duty to the aggrieved parties and the nation. The year out of 18 he has served of his sentence is clearly not enough to reform Mr Dimba thus deeming the duty in vain. Furthermore the title he has been adorned with as ‘Goodwill Ambassador of Gender Based Violence and Child Defilement’ is clearly one he does not deserve because he is full of ill will against women and children. We the youth implore and beg the President to provide us the youth of Zambia better people to look up to as examples. Clifford Dimba is not an example for us to follow if we want to grow into exemplary citizens that will lead the nation progressively.

 

BELONG

We all have a longing to be, be more than what we already are. To multiply the yield of our efforts. We all have the longing to belong, to something great, to be a prized possession of somebody.

We’ve all had the longing to be complete, to shed off our imperfections or feel more comfortable about the sections of ourselves we could never change with our hands.

We have all had the longing for more content to be filled into our glass so that we wouldn’t have to see it as half empty or half full. All the room would be occupied and it would just be full.

Now stepping into the realm of ‘what I will become when I grow up’, now that the time is here I’m opening my eyes to the fact that all I need to become, In order for me to be, is to be me.

I came preinstalled with all I need to fulfil my destiny, to fill the glass from half empty to completely full all that need be is for me download the plugins. By plugging into him, thee, the one that created me. Ironically he opens my eyes to how I was already a glass half full for my purpose. The half empty came from a mirage, the vantage point by his side made me see this. I’m where I belong, now I can be, become, what I already was. That which I always wanted to be.

Now I belong, this is what I spent time longing to be, a prized possession. I was longing to be what I already was. Funny how my sense of belonging came when I deposited all my belongings in his hands for him to keep. All the control that belongs to me I gave to him. When I had the courage to ‘Gwesa’ the clutter I held onto like they were my belongings, he never intended for me to carry around with me that longing and self-worth deficit from all the things I longed to be and thought I could never become.

I know what is like to be. I know what it is like to be free. To be a part of something greater than me. I know what it is like to belong.

I laugh at the days to come for I know he will never with hold a good thing from me. So trust me, I will never with hold my services from thee. I was born to be. I was born to be me. I was born to become but even more importantly born to belong. Belong to the king, as one of his most prized possessions. A tool for him to do his intentions. The imperfections in me that will never be perfect t the world’s standards are just what I need to perform my purpose. Just another platform to showcase my creator’s perfection.

I used to feel like a fish out of water, that was before I became me. Like a fish trying to climb a tree, because I wasn’t at good at it as the monkey didn’t mean I’m not a masterpiece. See my master makes artisan products, I’m one of a kind. my awesome comes from what was already ingrained into me at the point of my creation. I was created a masterpiece, a piece for my master to use as he willed.

I’m successful at being me.