A time for new shoes

We always knew we needed to go up a shoe size when we were growing up because our current shoe size started to hurt. It was no longer comfortable. Because we were trying to ram a foot into a shoe that can no longer contain its size. It’s like trying to put liquid content from a bigger to a smaller jar. The contents will overflow because they cannot be contained and will be wasted. It’s the same things with our lives and the things God wants to use us for. It will require growth, letting go, moving forward, shifting, changing,evolving, quiting certain habits, losing some people, releasing your pride etc
‘The writing on the wall’ that you have to read and act on is spelled out differently for everyone.
The bigger picture is varied in every case.
All I know is I’m growing a shoe size and no matter how lovely the other shoes in my current collection are, I can no longer fit in them.
The beginning of the year begun with the epiphany that just like the date would not read 2017 anymore as badly as I wanted it to. I couldn’t continue a friendship with a dear one because an incident I had with the person close to the year’s end taught me we were not on the same page and this relationship was not the same dimensions of when it first begun. I was on course till we hang out again a few months into the year fast forward I’m back in the same place cutting them off because like expired food,all it’s been is toxic to us both. As I reflected where I had stumbled it’s because my new shoes hurt too and before I could break into them so they could be comfortable, I went back to the familiarity of my old shoes. That was a pain I knew, I knew what to wear them on. But because I had grown even more all they did was bruise my feet and get spoilt.
A note from me to you don’t stop wearing your shoes because they hurt. Wear them down till they are comfortable for you.

It might be time to get that new pair of shoes because none of the ones you own are suitable or durable enough for the new terrain which you must now walk on.

Whatever the case,allow yourself to Bloom, to grow and to evolve.

Embrace your new shoes and the new territory you’re exploring in them.♥️

Gender inequality in a Christian Nation..

We are blessed to live in a country that has taken a stand and declared itself a Christian nation because lets face it the peace and tranquility we enjoy in this country is just God given.

A Christian simply defined is one who follows the example of Christ and strives to be more like him. You don’t need me to say that despite Zambia being a Christian nation the majority do not live their lives abiding by Christian values, the evidence is every you look. Many may be religious but how many of us aim to live a life that is pleasing to God. It is evident with our political scene,our culture, our families, our government,  our neighbours, our church leaders and ourselves that christian principles are not being properly applied. One area it is extremely prevalent in,is the gender inequality.

Jesus from inference in the scriptures believed in ending gender inequality. One area our society is unequal on a gender basis is when it comes to our women and their involvement in adultery. Right from the beginning of the fall of man women were cursed to be right under the dominion of man  ‘; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee’(Genesis 3:16 KJV) which is a contrast to by his side as an equal. Which we can infer from the fact that God used Adams rib to create Eve symbolising they should be side by side.

One of the most significant things Jesus came to do was to save man from the separation from God which came as a direct consequence of the fall of man. Any man or woman who is anew in Christ is not subject to the curses man has been subject since Adam and Eve. Why then do men still oppress women? Born again Christian men.

One of my favourite bible passages is the story of how Jesus saved the Adulteress woman from being stoned by the crowd pursuing her. This portion of scripture is potent with lessons. Firstly there is no mention of the man she was committing adultery with, clear inequality. Both parties were guilty but only one was being punished. Jesus set precedent with this act. Not only in terms of gender inequality but with evoking people to consider their sins before they play judge over the sins of others.

Disclaimer: Before we go further, I am not an advocate for adultery by men or women. This is in no way a justification of adultery. We sadly live in a society where you must support the shaming of the acts your fellow women do wrong or you will be perceived as part of the bad crop. I feel women are treated more unfairly when they commit adultery than males are and that is not right. I am against the shaming of women in ways men do not get shamed or looked down on when they cheat. We have come to accept that women must never cheat rather than no one must ever cheat. The reality is men and women will be unfaithful for different reasons because they are different beings. We must NOT accept the viewpoint that the consequences of one sex cheating is lighter than the other. That is inequality. I re-iterate the point that I am not defending or justifying cheating women. I am disagreeing with the inequality that surrounds a woman cheating. Those are 2 different things.

Let us analyse the story from the book of John 8:1-11. The first thing that you notice is that there nowhere in story is the man she committed adultery with mentioned. He was just as guilty of the act as she was. He however did not get stones cast at him, because he was allowed a pass where as the woman was not. A common Zambian saying goes ‘Ubuchende wa umwaume tabu toba n’ganda’ Directly translated means a ‘infidelity committed by a man will not wreck a home. Maybe there is more to this quote than the prima facie meaning. More that my still maturing mind is yet to fully fathom and grasp. However what bothers me is this, if infidelity is such a bad thing, why are men given a pass to do it and not women. Additionally if there are joys in infidelity why are women excluded or not accorded the pleasure of partaking in these joys. What is bad for the man should be bad for the woman because although not created the same we are created equal.

Another angle to view it from is from the verse Luke 10:27
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.(King James Bible)
The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”(New Living Translation)

The bible commands us to love our neighbour as our self. If men do not want to be cheated on, they must not cheat. If women do not want to be cheated on the must not cheat. If one does not frown upon a man cheating, they must not frown upon a woman cheating. Men as much as women are guilty of encouraging this inequality.

Though this portion of scripture has to do with infidelity, the principle set by it is applicable to all areas where there is inequality when it comes to both men and women. Just like Christ stood up for the woman who was being judged by people whose hands were just as dirty as hers the only difference is the type of dirt they had on them. Men in our society, the Christian men from our Christian nation arise and follow the example of Christ in defending women from having stones cast at them. Men need to move away from the crowd and stand in the place where Jesus stood to protect the woman from the harshness of society.

Notice Jesus was not in support of her, neither did he condemn or seek to know the details. His only interest was in her going on to pursue a different path of life that involved her not committing adultery or any other sins. His only interest was for her to ‘Go and sin no more’. I heard a quote from a movie ‘Strong men don’t hurt you, only the weak ones do’ and there is so much truth to it. Only weak men throw stones in the form of insults, mean words or jokes, use women because of the reputation that hangs over them etc.

Men must be the front liners in addressing gender inequality in all its forms, not just to with fidelity or the lack there of. We live in a patriarchal society where most of the power and decision making ability is vested in the men. They should thus be in the forefront ensuring inequalities against women are being addressed. They exist because they are not being addressed by the holders of the power to do something about the oppression.

If girls are taught to remain pure, and boys are encouraged to sexually explore who are they expected to explore with each other. It creates toxicity if you expecting the girls you are encouraging to be pure are shamed once they fall as prey to the boys who you encourage to explore. There must be equality, either both sexes are taught purity or both are allowed to be sexually exploring. It doesn’t even make sense, who are these boys expected to experiment with? Themselves or each other? Kindly give them that memo when passing down these toxic lessons to them.

As a country that has boldly professed itself as a christian nation it is important that we intentionally begin to walk the talk in a manner that goes beyond a ceremonial religious acts like having a day for prayer if on every other day we are not carrying out the liberation Christ came to bring. What do the religious things mean if we as a country are not a shining example to other non christian countries?

Dear male species, our brother,fathers, uncles, cousins etc please be Jesus with skin on to all the women in society. Yours, a concerned female.

Queen of Katwe

This is the type of movie that deserves a standing ovation. And I am not saying this because Lupita Nyong’o is a woman crush of mine. I was in awe and slightly tearful at the end.

I love how this is the new school Disney classic. This movie boldly took on braving the bull by its horns. It showed African heroes taking on the villain that is keeping African people from emerging victorious at the end of the day; The villain within ourselves!  The one that keeps us from reaching high because we think we are incapable or we are weighed down by the weight of comparison and fleeting short-term fulfilment and/or wants. We see young heroes come to terms with who they really are and the epiphany that who they are is enough. It is not about what you have, where you come from or anything else outside of you.

It stares down the false beliefs of what makes one better than another in Africa ;private schools;being well spoken;connections; lovely clothes and a daily slice of decadence.

This story slaps in the face, the belief that your life is as quality as the education you receive;education is the key to success.(Not that I am saying education is unimportant or belittling its value)Education is valuable but it has been devalued because it is perceived as the ultimate crown or the only gateway. Phiona Mutesi the main character is brilliant at chess because of an innate ability coupled with determination to keep improving herself. What is most amazing about it is how she was not even literate yet. It screamed the importance of focusing on harnessing ones innate abilities and talents no matter what they are. It is also important to note that she almost missed her opportunities because of the mentality deep ingrained in her mother by both ignorance and the hardships of life. Phiona unlocked success by unlocking her mind and unshackling herself from the low estimation she had of herself.

The movie emanated the need to get out of the illusion of chasing the water at the end of the mirage. The illusion that the addition of that carrot at the end of the stick will subtract your problems and sorrow. Happiness does not start the moment you have what you desire. It starts right where you are. You have the ingredients to create what you want exactly where you are, both in terms of happiness and success.

It breaks the deep-rooted notion that you get your deepest desire or provision from a man. A widow lost the comfort provided by a husband but her contentment came through her child. A female child ;and not through the treasures found in between her legs or by being married by a prince. But because she unlocked her mind. Ironically not with the African key to success(educational attainment or a man) but with her talent, Chess.

It also questions the impossible perfectionist standard we place on one another as Africans. I have heard people call out or question a parent particularly a mother’s morality because of the behaviour the child. Night, Phiona’s sister was not made of the same moral fibre her mother was. Who is depicted to have never not once compromised her morals even when she was tempted to. You can see how Night despised the impoverished state they lived in and used her female ability to escape it.She probably despised her mother for subjecting them to poverty when she had that card to play.

The chords that exist in a sense of community are highlighted in this movie. Initially no one knew about the diamond in the rough, Phiona but later on she is the area’s legend and hero. The celebration spilt from her family into the whole of Katwe. Everyone had a slice of the joy and the hope that they too may just escape poverty. One of the things I loved most is how this re-iterated my thoughts on how our way out of poverty in Africa is by helping each other. Read my blog post  AFRICA AND OUR SHARING VALUES:Balancing The Scales Through Sharing

Phiona and the other pioneers were given hope and a chance to more than poverty had to offer by a man who chose to sacrifice getting ahead and personal comforts for the benefit of others in our community. The root of our poverty among other things is our lack of sacrifice and our selfishness. It’s not just in our leaders it is in our communities, that’s why when we choose people from among us to lead they make the decisions they do. The sacrifice exhibited by Mr and Mrs Katende is nothing short of divine. They indeed were a challenge to me. How much am I sacrificing and denying myself to see the Zambia and the Africa I want to see. Even if it is only in a small way?

The strength of Phiona’s mother Nakku Harriet is remarkable. The strength and dignity she is clothed in leaves me in awe. She lost a husband and a child, she has lost hope of better days but she still did not lose her will to survive. She would not let her dignity be stripped off even when poverty stripped off any reason to hold her head high. Her deep love for her children reflected in how she meted out discipline, protection and her provision. The life of a woman is hard anywhere. The life of an African woman on the African terrain in a slum is a whole different level. The resilience of African women is praiseworthy. Sadly the do not get enough praise or recognition for it. I’m glad this movie did that.

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All in all, what gripped me the most is this is not a story that had a writer that cleverly put together these elements to highlight these lessons. It is based on real life and not real life in the reality show kind of way. They lived their lives not expecting their story to one day be told. All this happened very recently. Queen of Katwe gave me hope and appreciation for life and talent. Most of all it challenged me. I have been left with the question what are you doing to change the lives of the poorest people in your society?

The curtain call…

Ones home is never incomplete without curtains to cover the windows. It’s amazing the difference curtains make to a house they say.

As a young girl you hear this in hushed tones which increase in their pitch as you grow older. Constant reminders to ensure you have curtains to complete your home.  Constant caution if you don’t.

Woe to she that does not shield her home with them for it will fall into the enemies hands and she will be without a fortress.

The question is are these alterations really as vital as curtains? What purpose do curtains serve but for the decorators value when you have blinds and tinted windows? What purpose do curtains serve in a room with no windows why cover up the walls?

Is the modification really as vital as curtains or are they unnecessary accessories like the doilies that once upon a time littered the furniture in the majority of households. Have they been around so long their existence has been instutionalised? The wet monkey theory perhaps?Wet Monkey Theory

Many among us have found ourselves with accessories that have ruined the aesthetics of the home because we were instructed early on in life to ensure our home was adequately prepared for, long before we were old enough to understand what we were being asked to do. And those who don’t have curtains their home shamefully suffer naked disgrace in the presence of those that do. The absence is some sort of handicap.

If the curtains are a vital part of anatomy why don’t they come along with the house or grow as one ‘comes of age’ along with other areas like the bosom that one day serves as the offspring’s feeding source? One woman dutifully gave me the answer as we Zambians are known to do by answering questions with questions ‘Why then do they grow and stretch as you continue to tug at them? No matter how long you do that to your ears or nose will they stretch?

If they are as essential to holding a home and a marriage together why do we have so many married men stepping into homes and dwellings that do not contain these vital curtains?

Why are they medically discouraged and said to cause a  reduction in the enjoyment of the female housemate?

The curtains are such a sacred public secret that I must speak about them from behind a veil.

Men and women across the continent from as far wide as Kenya to Uganda and Zimbabwe swear by the necessity of these curtains.

They are said to be the shield and strength of the African home.How strong is our society when it’s women are oppressed?

The following article may interest you too – Why we should be talking about labia elongation